Having written on Calvinist/Augustinian doctrine in the past 6 months, it came to me that perhaps I should describe my journey through Calvinism...and back again.
I had heard of Calvinism in my teen years at school but didn't pay much attention to the principles or ideas that formed this school of thought. Growing up Southern Baptist in the 60's and 70's, one heard little of doctrine that was outside the practical walls of the church. Jesus died for our sins and expected us to behave ourselves. If I had been given any other parents than those God gave me, I dare say I would have heard little more than the above with a blending of Bible stories. By and large, Southern Baptists are not overwhelmed with great brilliant minds...they have always been blessed with people of great, loving hearts. At any rate, my dad was not a Calvinist and focused his attention on Jesus and salvation and trying (painfully at times) to understand what the Bible was trying to say from one end to the other.
I had been listening to Chuck Swindoll for a few years in the late 70's and kept feeling a stirring in my heart. I spent a lot of time at church and listened to some powerful preaching and great music in the early 80's. I was reading a lot and trying to understand why I felt an emptiness in my heart. I knew a lot about the Bible and had begun to read more widely than Swindoll and those who were popular evangelicals in those days. I was introduced to Arthur Pink's works (afraid I cannot remember the name of any of them--and don't care to try to find out what they were!), that outlined the Calvinist position. I took to the ideas like a duck to water and ran the gamut...all the way to Warfield. Interestingly enough, I had begun to read the works of C.S. Lewis at the same time. I was working my way very slowly through the essays in the collection God in the Dock when one day I realized that the intellect of Lewis was so great that I had to reread most of his stuff 2, 3 maybe 5 times before I got what he was saying. The Calvinist stuff was boring. I had already reached the place where I realized that they all repeat the same propaganda over and over again. There was NO "further up and further in."
C.S. Lewis did not lead me out. He just made it clear to me that if I stayed, I would be a fool and not trustworthy in any intellectual or spiritual way. Jesus led me out with His word...the book of Esther (yes, Calvinists, scoff. Too bad no one asked YOU how to arrange the canon of Scripture!). Basic to Calvinist doctrine is the unbiblical lie that there is a single decree of God by which He establishes who are the saved (elect) and the lost (reprobate). The picture that unfolds to anyone who reads Esther is that there are two separate decrees that converge upon the same day. The day of damnation IS the day of salvation. You choose which camp you want to be in on that day. Once I got the picture, I never looked back; realizing that Calvinism leaves out a key element that is woven throughout the Old Testament and is fulfilled on the cross: Salvation is spiritual warfare under the command of the LORD of Hosts. Good luck trying to work out any other kind, especially the "I am so special--look at me" kind.
It took a few more years to get past the intellectual understanding and come to the place of surrendering my heart to Jesus. I met Him at the cross. He made it plain that I was rejected and wandering unless I gave up my sinful self and accepted Him personally. It was a choice. I could have continued to choose self-deception and self-satisfaction in the army of the devil. I figured that the Lord of Jude 9 was a safer option and went with Jesus.
When I tell people to meet Jesus at the cross, it is not hyperbolic. It is the only method of time travel you can experience on this earth. Jesus will meet you there. It's guaranteed.
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